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Gradients

by Roman Lions

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    Gradients on 12" translucent purple vinyl.

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    Canada/International distro:
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    One-of-a-kind mystery swirl cassette tape for charity.

    We're going to donate 100% of the purchase price (after payment processing fees) to Second Harvest Food Bank of San Jose.


    Second Harvest is a non-profit organization that distributes food to low-income families in Santa Clara and San Mateo counties. More than half the people they serve are children or seniors. You can read more about the work that they do on their website: www.shfb.org/aboutus

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1.
It’s cold and gray And that’s the way it’s going to stay The rest of the world will may change But there’s something about this place When held up to the flame All the villains have changed The wretched and decayed Are all standing on my grave The gradual cessation of feeling Was it lost or just not there? Is it just slowly receding? Is that a loss that makes me scared? Being left alone with my feelings Always a failure in someone’s eyes I’ve never felt my thoughts worth sharing We only gather when someone dies It’s the emptiness that makes me uneasy But it’s the emptiness I think I like It’s the only thing that keeps me going It’s the only thing that still feels right The peace that I think is missing Is the piece that’s on my mind I can’t honestly say that I’ll make it But I can honestly say that I’ll try I never said it was gonna be easy I never said it was gonna be fine The worst thing in the world is waiting The worst thing in the world is time My hell is a quiet place I can feel it again Reaching for me out of the stillness That knowing that it will someday end There must be something that keeps me awake There is something about this place The moon shines with tomorrow’s light And it hits to you at that quiet time That everyone you love is going to die Good luck falling asleep at night My hell is a quiet place
2.
Small Moments This is what it’s like To finally give in It’s a soft and subtle cry “I don’t have the heart for it” (As I attenuate) The sound of breaking down (Trace back the lines) That guides us to our ends (Understanding in time) I shouldn’t be surprised That Sometimes I hate the sky, I hate the deep blue sea And everything between These are my own failings It’s the small moments that mean the most But pain is the last thing we forget This is what its like To know you need to change I’m a stranger to myself Which makes it hard to face (Calling out I defy) Remember what it’s like (Calling out to the sky) But the stars won’t tell me how (Knowing nothing is right) What is it that I have missed? Why do I feel this way? I fear the how I fear the why You can see it on my face I’ve been told I have sad eyes It’s the small moments That mean the most But pain is the last thing That we forget It’s not enough to simply drift aimlessly from moment to moment Missing the innocence of childhood With age comes the wisdom that the smallest moments Make the heaviest of hearts Searching for something to drown out the voices “You are not enough, you never will be” So I have to find another way I’ll find another way It’s not enough to simply exist So I’ll find another way I’ll find another way
3.
Negative 03:06 video
I don’t have the energy to be angry anymore. I’m measuring the distance between me and the world. It’s the only evidence I was ever here at all. I’ve never been a ghost, but I never felt alive. It takes everything I have, But this is where we draw the line. I will be the great wave. The uncaring ocean, sent to destroy. I’ll be the winter at its darkest, It’s better than feeling worthless. To make our sorrows more bearable, I give up trying to find the balance anymore. I find myself lacking. I find myself asking if... This is the price we pay, for the curse of wondering why. And as the light begins to fade, and it becomes too much to take. I’m feeding all the fires that burn me to the ground. There is an art to self destruction, And I don’t want to start again. There are the things you wish for, And the things you get. I just want the truth. Are the better days behind me? I want to know the way. Show me the way. To make my sorrows more bearable. I give up trying to find the balance anymore. I find myself lacking. I find myself asking if... This is the price we pay, for the curse of wondering why. This is the price we pay for the curse of wondering why. The curse of wondering why.
4.
The echoes that we chase. The sleepless nights we fall. The rage and hollow grief. The cracks that never show. Across this time and space. The people that we place. Markers of our way. A statement of our days. We are educated in death. There is no good way out of this world. At the end of everything, across all time and space. In the last fading light of day, we’re all thieves stealing time.
5.
What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened? When was the moment that finally changed me? Was it like a flood, That hit us all at once? Or was it like a rain, That slowly accumulates? Growing so detached I can’t feel the seasons as they change. I’m running out of ways to say it doesn’t matter. Every minute is a struggle, every day a war. Light the way by burning it all down. Every minute is a struggle, every day a war. Light the way by burning it all down. There is something about being so close to the ledge. It’s a reminder that when you feel like you’re at the bottom, There’s still so much further you could fall. Your battle’s not over. In body and mind your war rages inside. Every minute is a struggle, every day a war. Light the way by burning it all down. Every minute is a struggle, every day a war. Light the way by burning it all down. There must be a reason why ghosts want to live. To feel again. To feel again. There must be some kind of choice that we can make. To feel again. To feel again.
6.
A sense of vague uneasiness. Like a circle spinning slightly off center. All these ideas at a scale my mind just can’t comprehend. Thoughts that are too heavy to float, And in my head they slowly drown. Feeling like all of the particles in my body, Are disseminated across the entire universe. While the mass of every star is compressed to a single point in my chest. So say something beautiful, In the end that’s all we have. The more we realize, The less that we understand. So say something meaningful, Even if it’s sad, So I know I’m not alone, And not the only one, I don’t know how to describe what beauty is. And I don’t know how colors, shapes, or sounds can create art, Or a feeling so profound that it moves you as a person. But I know know it when I see it. I don’t know we’re meaning comes from, Or how we attribute it to the various components of our lives To make ourselves feel whole, But I know it when I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I know it when its there. So say something beautiful, In the end that’s all we have. The more we realize, The less we understand. Breathing is hard enough. Today is the hardest day. Tell me I’m not alone, That I’m not the only one. We can look back in sadness, loss, remember the failures and struggles. Or we can look back and choose to remember the beauty and the light. In the face of that darkness thats inside of all of us, It’s what we do that gives us our meaning. It’s the things that we choose. Our struggles, our addictions, our failures, They are part of who we are. The world may be awful and cold, But it’s the only one we know. So let it mean something to you. Let it be something great. Let it move you to tears. Let it not feel so alone. Say something beautiful, In the end that’s all we have. The more we realize, The less we understand. Breathing is hard enough. Today is the hardest day. Tell me I’m not alone, That I’m not the only one. Am I the only one? Say something beautiful Even if it’s sad, So I know I’m not alone, And not the only one. Say something meaningful Even if it’s sad, So I know I’m not alone, And not the only one. Am I the only one?

credits

released October 1, 2021

All songs written and performed by Justin Tracy, Matt Tracy, Kenny Williams, Joshua Case, and Robert Kinsella.

Gradients was recorded, mixed, and mastered by Jack Shirley at the Atomic Garden in Oakland, CA.

Violin and Viola on A Voice to Raise or Ruin written and performed by Eslin McKay of the band Respire. Recorded by Brandon Wall at Shaw Street Studio.

Guest vocals on A Voice to Raise or Ruin performed by Jamie Burton.

Piano on A Voice to Raise or Ruin written and performed by David Sheffield.

Photography by Matt Tracy. Layout and design by August Schwartz.

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Roman Lions San Jose, California

Starting as the side project of Baltimore-raised brothers Justin and Matt Tracy, Roman Lions took shape after the brothers relocated to California where they expanded their sound and their lineup.

Including former members of A Perfect Kiss, I Am Empire, and Octaves, Roman Lions combine the emotional intensity of screamo, the build-and-break grandeur of post-rock, and the heaviness of hardcore.
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